belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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