She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
