All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Soap is not a condiment
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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