go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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