The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
