I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
