Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
