You really coming over, don't trick.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
