He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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