ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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