he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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