were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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