capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
