How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
