He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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