i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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