i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
