a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
