I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
