it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
