Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
