my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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