I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
