quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
