dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
