Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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