the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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