I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
