cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
