I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
