I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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