My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
