can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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