I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
