Do you still have your period?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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