My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
