you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
