He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
