my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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