then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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