Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
