I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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