LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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