My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
