Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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