I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
