You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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