Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
