Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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