I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
