I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
