just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
